Originally posted 2009-10-06 at https://inpixels09.wordpress.com/2009/10/06/my-style-of-humor/

Yesterday, in our classroom, after a few rounds of back-and-forth proclamations, a few of my classmates got in an argument over who was more ‘hentai.’ (‘hentai’ means perverted, but in a cute, japanese way) they got into a little scuffle, pushing and slapping the hell out of each other. they ran around the room, laughing at this one kid and yelling about the massive volumes of smutty magazines he reads, across the room so that every one could hear, quite clearly.

nobody payed much attention, except this one kid in the corner who was drinking juice but laughing too hard to keep it down, and me- I, too, was crunched over and looking back and forth between the screaming, well-dressed gentlemen, and the circle of girls sitting next to them, on the floor and very quietly eating their lunches.

I thought I might share some of the things I find funny in my everyday life, because nobody but me thinks they are, and it feels wasted like that.

There is a very distinctive sound when you take a picture with a Japanese cell phone. It sounds like a cartoony version of old-fashioned cameras. when i take pictures of my host sister or of the girls in my class, they all gather around to see what it looks like- if acceptable, it passes, and gets sent to all of their cellphones. If not, we try again.

the times i’ve gone ahead and taken the picture, without notice, she picks up on the sound like a cat and a laser pointer, wails, snatches the phone from me and deletes it. there will be no images out there of her, unless she knows about it.

Everybody brings a ‘bento box’ to school, as lunch. the bags you put them in are about the size of a regular woman’s handbag.

since the start, i noticed that i was uncomfortable holding it while walking to school, and so have been stashing it in my already overcrowded book bag and just crossing my arms… people have asked me before what i do with it, and i balk and sheepishly say my arms get tired.

that shape was intended for women! you dont know me, man… i… i just cant do it…

someone told me the other day that they like practicing their English, when they talk to me. now understand that english study in japan is structured around memorization- there is no speaking or listening class offered until senior year, and no english is spoken in the actual class. ill see kids with these massive books full of vocab words they have to memorize, studying on the train… better vocab than me.

But I was curious, because this person as well as the rest of the school only really dealt in japanese.

sometimes, when i talk to people and say a keyword, they will repeat it to me in english after i finish the sentence…

Jay: are you going home by ‘densha?’

Souta: oh, yes, densha: “train.”

practice away…

Any time I see a foreigner, who i think might speak english, i always start the conversation in japanese. As if im not sure if they actually are asian or not, even when they are blond as hell and wearing an ‘aussie rules’ shirt. thats just a code among us.

this has happened to me before, but today, a pair of those described above sat down across from me on the train, smiling and leaning forward, expecting me to say something. i said, in japanese:

Jay: Hello

Blond guy: ‘ello

Jay: do you understand english?

Blond guy: oh, im sorry, i dont understand.

he was a little bit taken aback, and i was mystified. I sat back and was like, ‘really?’

in actuality, he had no idea what i said, past ‘konnichiwa,’ and was just knew the word for “i dont understand.”

i did end up talking to them.

the dialect of my area just so happens to have everybody talking like eric cartman, from south park. when you want to sound like you are from the area, you take something with the pronunciation ‘ai,’ sounds like ‘eye,’ and replace it with ‘ee,’ as in ‘shAve.’

I think it would be even better if i caught this as a habit and would speak like eric cartman for the rest of my japanese career.

in other news, i see kids with southpark characters hanging from their cellphones, not often, but enough.

Whenever i introduce myself to a new group of kids, theres always one kid who will point across the circle and call another, more innocent looking kid ‘gay,’ while looking at my face and laughing. that kid usually retalliates by a soft slap at accuser, as if i dont get the joke, and might actually get that impression and dislike him for it. and they all think i am laughing at joke in the first place.

Gym class in highschool is for the most part just like any american one, except with some aerobics to start us off. well play some sport, like volleyball, softball or basketball, and then pack it up. ive always been the way where, whenever i do anything physical, i sweat like a champagne bottle and flush up all red. the thing is, japanese kids dont seem to change color at all, they all just have a little perspiration… so you can guess that i stand out extremely bad. ive made up all sorts of excuses for it, like ‘yeah, americans sweat so much!’

even though i routinely have to explain that ‘americans’ come from every gene pool on the planet…

on another note, after every gym class, and most classes in fact, all the boys run to the bathroom to do their hair again. im glad to say that i have had all of my deepest conversations in the second floor bathroom.

My humor and theirs is very, very different. to be honest, i couldnt explain to you what they find funny here, beyond slapstick, nor laugh at a tv show, beyond that gameshow where they wear unitards and have to position their bodies so as to not get knocked into the pit of plastic bubbles by the moving plaster wall with an oddly shaped hole in it. (??)

when asked what americans laughed at, i couldnt explain the way i would have liked to. i said that people laugh at exaggeration, things over-the-top, and people doing things poorly or out of the ordinary. for example, if someone works 20 hours a day, then comes home and is so tired they pick up their toothbrush and brush their hair, i would laugh.

what do we think is funny?

I`m glad that I’m at least laughing, even if its not at the same time as everyone else.

Comments (1)

janhack — 2009-10-06

I’m glad you are laughing too! Sounds like a terrific TV show, sorry I’m missing it.