Originally posted 2009-10-02 at https://inpixels09.wordpress.com/2009/10/02/jay-hack-and-the-meaning-of-love-in-three-parts/

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Spring-

If you say love in Japanese, you speak of romantic, heavy-breathing love, like the way grown men and their wives embrace, sometimes. There’s no intermediate terms of affection to bounce off your family, and so, when you climb the stairs to sleep, you declare your intentions and shut off the lights.

The Japanese don’t touch or hug much either; parents even seem to avoid hugging and kissing their children. At school, we don’t show too much interest in the other gender, but you can see girls walking down the hall, holding hands and waddling back and forth in their little sailor uniforms. I find it highly observable. We men, on the other hand, find comfort in sitting down on a friend’s lap, playing Gameboy and discussing ‘Monster Hunter.’ All the while we grip our thick cigars and trade compliments on being masters of the universe.

When you walk down the hall of a japanese high school, you cant help but be relieved that there are no displays of hardcore affection for the world to see. but then again, it seems quiet.

I talked with my home-room teacher about high school romance, and he wouldn’t be specific, but he thought it was something to be taken seriously, not a hobby or an alternative to a part-time job. At my school, teachers sometimes joke with the kids, drawing two kids’ faces with an umbrella overhead. it symbolizes love.

the Fall-

I like to think I could be the romantic foreigner, if I wanted to. For the past 5 weeks, I’ve been able to get a warm greeting and giggles from almost anyone lining the halls, but I usually wont know how to react. Ill most likely say good afternoon and stand awkwardly, not knowing if I should sincerely shake hands and make conversation, or just smile, and wave.

At home, in America, I hug and smack chests with most everyone I know, as a way to mark our friendship. I find it a nice way to start a conversation, with contact. When I lean forward, out of instinct, and nothing happens, I feel like an Island. I’ve had to give that up.

I have friends of all the genders though, now, who stand in groups, laughing and talking about american pop stars and video games I don’t know but can pretend to… I don’t feel as awkward, not saying anything when people encourage me to say anything, in this way. I can always just stand back and try to catch the little pink dimpled bubbles and stars that float back and forth.

I like to talk to the snickering seniors in my Judo class, as well, and Im sure they love to bring out their vocabulary of… unmentionable English words.

the Eclipse-

A few nights ago, when the culture festival came to a close, all the school gathered on the playing fields to see the closing ceremony. they called up the three most handsome of every gender from every grade, and if they had a significant other, they were called up as well. they kissed on stage in front of all of us, some as sheepish pecks and others the first instance either body drifted close enough to touch the other. I stood next to a few girls from my class, who where happy to explain what was going on, while smiling up at me and forming a line of hands.

I realized the other day that I haven’t hugged or been hugged by anyone lately save a sweaty third grader in judo, this morning. I realized I don’t know how the bodies of my family feel, only look, and felt a shiver when, playing rocks-paper-scissors, my brothers paper folded over my fist. I think I’m succumbing…

but I feel good coming in every morning and getting an ovation of warm greetings from smartly dressed classmates, and doing the same for others. late that same night of the festival, once the fireworks came to a close, I spoke for a while with friends from the next class over. I ended up riding on the back of Takayuki’s bicycle, all the way to the station, surrounded by the gang. it was late at night, and as we rode under the bright lights of raamen shacks and department stores, we traded stories of Japanese and American girls, until he dropped me in front of the station and told me he’d see me the next day.

In the same way, I go on drives with my mother and father pretty often these days, and we can just sit and think and talk about all sorts of things for however long it takes to get to the supermarket.

I still trade email with my previous Japanese host mother, too, over an ocean away and over a year after I stayed at her home. She loves to hear anything I have to say and let me in on whats good with the family, still laughing with me and piling on the exclamation marks to encourage me, in anything.

lately, I’ve realized that touching somebody may be superfluous. I’ve realized that touching is just another use for time you might spend in silence, looking at their face. And I can feel comfortable just looking and having few words to say, these days.

I think I’ve started reaching out to people in a whole new way.

Comments (4)

rosie — 2009-10-12

Jay – I’ve been away from your blog for awhile – this is amazing stuff – with some editing you could send it in to the NYtimes sunday mag – last page or even modern love (but you might need to be somewhat in love for it to qualify)

xoxox

aunt rz

intanettohack — 2009-10-13

hey rosie!

thanks for the love, and those xs and os at the bottom there. im really glad you like it! whats the news with Grace and her Isreal excursion, by the way? do we know when she leaves yet?

always good to hear from the fam. you cant see me, but im bowing, diligently.

c(-_-)d

xoxox, much love-

-Jay

grace — 2009-10-28

hey jay. im officially accepted into the israel program and i leave january 25th. your blog is wonderful, that’s all there is to say. super depressed that i wont see you this thanksgiving but im glad that you’re in japan because its sounds like such a unique experience. love, grace

intanettohack — 2009-10-29

Hey Grace! good news about the isreal program, sounds like it will be a real blast. glad you like the blog! any chance you are thinking of putting one up while abroad? love to see it! lemme know, enjoy the fall weather, feel the love-

-J